Source: LA Daily News, Daily Breeze

King shooting

And even at an age when they're grappling with their own fragile sexuality, teens weren't afraid to stand up for the classmate who had been different.

"In middle school, you don't think about your own sexuality so much as you think of what society thinks is normal for kids, and you try to blend in," said 18-year-old Luis Roman, a gay community college student and youth leader for the Gay-Straight Alliance, an advocacy group active on high school and middle school campuses.

"So for these kids to come out and say that just because he was gay, that isn't a reason to get shot, that was mind-blowing to see that courage, for kids to stand up.

"Unfortunately, it took something of this level to make people realize there are gay people, there are lesbians, there are bisexuals, and they're part of our society."

The slaying of 15-year-old Lawrence King on Feb. 12 and the reaction to it illustrated a social shift characterized by gay youths "coming out" younger and their straight counterparts learning the art of tolerance.

"I think we want to hope that, when something awful like that happens, there are going to be people who stand up against it," said Stacy Sigman, a licensed family counselor who works with families grappling with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender relatives.

"Larry's death has the potential to pick up that speed. This person will not die in vain."

Roman is confident things are changing.

"This was one of those turning points in society," he said. "It was a reality shock for everybody. They realized, 'Hey, people are being bullied, and we're not doing anything about it.'"

But even with an estimated 35,000 openly gay students in the Los Angeles Unified School District - a number based on general population statistics - teenagers, school officials, private counselors and advocates agree there's a long road ahead to wipe out discrimination.

"While there is increasing acceptance, the world's still a hostile place for gay teenagers," said Virginia Uribe, a retired LAUSD counselor and founder of the district's Project 10, a support program for gay students.

"They deal with hostile families, hostile churches, if they're involved, and they deal with hostile schools.

"Certainly the (school) administrators should be at the top of the food chain, making the charge against discrimination. Many times they're reluctant to take a stand with regard to gay kids until something terrible happens."

In the days after the Oxnard shooting, the spotlight turned on one such administrator - Jerry Dannenberg, superintendent of the Hueneme School District, which operates E.O. Green Junior High School in south Oxnard, where King was killed.

King had announced earlier this school year that he was gay and had begun wearing makeup and feminine accessories.

Schoolmate Brandon McInerney, 14, has been charged with premeditated murder in the shooting and will be tried as an adult. If convicted, he faces 50 years to life in prison.

The school district has programs in place to deal with bullying and was prompted by the shooting to step up efforts to let students - as well as employees on campus - know discrimination is inexcusable, Dannenberg said.

"We're working not for tolerance, but for acceptance," he said. "I don't care if it's race, gender or sexual orientation. We need to accept the uniqueness of each and every one."

Gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender students are coming out of the closet younger and younger.

Roman told his parents he was gay when he was 15 - younger than his counterparts who spoke up a decade earlier, but older than the middle-schoolers coming out today, he said.

"I think some students are feeling more comfortable coming out, feeling empowered in the sense they are aware they have certain rights," said Uribe, now executive director of the Friends of Project 10, an advocacy group for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youths.

Programs like the gay-straight alliance clubs sponsored in LA by Project 10 help children learn to deal with sexuality even when their parents haven't yet figured it out.

Project 10 sponsors 46 Gay-Straight Alliance chapters on LAUSD campuses, and in recent months two middle schools have formed chapters, said Stephen Jimenez, who works in the district's Education Equity Compliance office and oversees the program.

"All our clubs are student-centered, usually started by gay students and their straight friends," he said. "The students themselves come forward and say, we want to start a club."

Jimenez informs club members of their civil rights and provides them with resources. They hold discussion groups and plan social events.

"I'm sure the incident that happened at E.O. Green in Oxnard had quite an impact on these students," Jimenez said.

"Project 10 hasn't solved everything," Uribe said, "but it's given students kind of an edge. The way society is -- the hatred exemplified in that young student being shot -- illustrates how much more needs to be done."

Uribe's advice to parents of gay teens is to educate themselves about gay issues.

"Probably, they're not going to be able to change their child," she said. "In recent years, more parents accept that, but in certain religious circles there are reparative practices. But the majority of parents we talk to know they can't change their kids."

It's important, she said, to be strong for your kids because it's taking every drop of courage they have to reveal their sexual orientation.

King murder in his junior high classroom some parents of gays especially hard, Uribe said.

"One parent, after that incident in Oxnard, e-mailed us and said a year ago they found out their son was gay," she said. "At first they mourned, then realized what a wonderful son they had. They have become very accepting of him."

David McEachern of Newhall, whose son -- now 30 -- was just 15 when he told his parents he was gay, said that King's shooting illustrates the need for parents to make sure their children, once they come out, are safe from bullying.

When teenage sons and daughters summon the nerve to come out to their parents, frequent first reactions include anger, denial - and a profound sense of loss.

"It shakes you down to the core. You go through the stages of grief," McEachern said.

"My advice is you want to acknowledge the kids' feelings and you don't want to say anything you'll regret later on. Give the kid time - you're going to need time, too, to sort it out."

McEachern, president of the Santa Clarita chapter of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays, along with other advocates said straight parents expect their children to follow their footsteps and are stunned when their offspring's future doesn't include traditional family life.

"Parents need to realize there's inherent danger for kids who are coming out," McEachern said. "They're not able to deal with situations."

"Every parent has expectations their child is straight, that he or she will marry some day and have children," Uribe said.

"The best thing they can do is to love them, understand them and give them the dignity to lead their own life," Uribe said.

McEachern, a retired junior high school teacher, said some parents initially urge their children to keep their sexual orientation a secret. But openness is a better solution.

"Parents are scared to death, that was our reaction," he said. "I said, `Don't tell anybody.' But he was so relieved. He said, `I'm going to let everyone know."'

When the shock wears off, parents must turn pro-active, supporting their children, and realizing they're the priority.

Ignacio Pitalua, a 20-year-old Pomona resident, is a youth leader for Bienestar, a service agency with programs for gay youths. He also is president of the Gay-Straight Alliance at Mount San Antonio College in Walnut.

Programs like Project 10 help gay and lesbian youths accept who they are and make no apologies, Pitalua said.

Project 10 permitted kids in this minority to reveal their sexual orientation. Pride events are held, and in 1994, the LAUSD sponsored its first gay prom.

Protests came from religious and traditional-values groups. Parents kept their children home from school during gay-pride events in hopes of hurting the district, which is paid by the state based on daily attendance.

But the opposition has dwindled over the years as a new generation grabs the reins.

Full article: Kids openly gay earlier than ever | LA Daily News
Reactions mixed when parents find out children are gay Daily Breeze